Triggers for Debauchery
Despite feeling so much better for not drinking including improving my energy levels, daily motivations and of course, physical & mental health, I cannot help but sometimes miss the debaucherous lifestyle of yesteryear. When I say debauchery, by the way, I mean indulging in alcohol without inhibition – sex, drugs and rock n roll are all still done to the max, of course – hehe. Seriously though, I do have certain triggers and yes, there are quite a few.
The first one that spring to mind is music. Certain songs, for some reason trigger the cravings, usually include an accordian such as The Amelie sountrack, Betty Blue soundtrack and of course, Edith Piaf tunes. Hmmm…..all french too. Curious. Anyway, they make me want to start on a bottle of wine, eat cheese and talk with old friends about wild, intricate stories from our pasts and theories about why people behave the way they do. Basically, a chance to talk rubbish whilst getting blotto.
Overcoming these cravings, can be a little like rewriting a memory. For instance, my man and I have often got on a train to London from Brighton with a couple of cans of Rum & Coke from Marks. We’re both quite goofy anyway, so a few cans of that and we’d be giggling away to each other. These days, when we get on the train, it’s a bottle of water and a good read, that makes our journey. Not that I’m complaining, it is nice to be with-it when we reach our destination. Nevertheless, do miss it and there was definitely a certain pride I took in the amount I could drink – foolish as that sounds.
Totally aware of what an addict this is going to make me sound like, I feel like being debaucherous is part of who I am, a little. I know it goes against every self-help book I’ve ever read (especially the latest, Excuses Begone) but I did grow up with parents, step parents, grandparents that were all terribly lovely and at the same time, loved a good bottle of wine. In fact, when my step mother wasn’t blasting Annie Lennox out of the stereo with her bottle of wine and 20 silk cut, there was nothing she liked more than to sit down and watch Ab Fabwith her favourite friends. Something, at the time, I thought was really cool and clever about her.
Yet I know that doesn’t have to be who I am, now. Easy as it could be, I have every bit of support and strength to start a new chapter. And when I do feel the urge to get boozey, I just take a moment to remember what I do have: fiancee, brain power, less mood swings, more time for writing, more money for shopping and less of an appetite for junk food. (*takes a breath*) Excellent……and so, I say….triggers begone!